Finding
My Way….Lynette Wehner's conversion to Islam
How a spiritually dissatisfied
American Catholic teacher found fulfillment and direction through her new job
at a Muslim school.
My new position
at the Islamic school was received with reserved enthusiasm from my Christian
family. “Just make sure you do not convert,” my father-in-law at the time
told me when he found out about it. My mother-in-law was intrigued by the idea
of being around something “exotic”. I grappled with whether I wanted to
work at this school. While I would have my own classroom (which I desperately
wanted), I would only be part-time and I would be required to dress
Islamically (even cover my hair). This whole concept was very foreign to me. I
debated with myself for a day or two until deciding to take my first teaching
assignment at this school. I was open and determined that this would be a
learning experience for me. Boy, was it ever….
On the first
day, the new “non-Muslim” teachers were given a “scarf” lesson by a
sister in the teacher’s workroom. We were laughing as we tried different
styles. I still remember that morning being pretty relaxed, and it was during
this event that I realized I always thought Muslims were stern and serious. It
is strange how one can hold certain stereotypes of people without even knowing
them. Cross off one misconception…
During my 1st
year of teaching, I learned many things. I was extremely impressed with the
way that my students knew my religion (Christianity) better than I did. How
did they know the stories? My students were always asking me questions about
my beliefs, and they made me think. What DID I believe?
I was brought up
Catholic, and as an adult, I started to stray from it. I didn’t know what it
was that I felt uncomfortable with, but I just knew something wasn’t right.
I ventured a little into the new-age type of Christianity, but some of that
didn’t sit right with me either. I just knew that I wanted to connect with
God. I didn’t want my religion to become something that I felt I had to do
in order to be considered a “good person” in the eyes of my relatives (as
was the case with my husband). I wanted to feel it in my heart. Looking back
now, I was lost, but didn’t know it at the time.
Kids will be
kids, and my Muslim students were no different. They left their books in my
classroom instead of taking the home. This was a blessing in disguise as I
started to read these books after class. So much of it made sense. To help
matters along, one sister and brother were more than happy to answer all of my
questions, and I had many! We would discuss Islam and religion for hours. It
was very intellectually stimulating and I was excited about it. I felt that I
had found what I was looking for. There was a peace slowly spreading over my
heart…
Around this
time, I started to read the Qu’ran at home. My husband at the time (I have
since divorced him) did not like my interest in Islam. When I would read the
Qu’ran, I would do so in private without his knowledge. At first, I felt
that I was doing something blasphemous. I remember being very scared that God
would be upset with me. How can any book other than the Bible be from God?? I
tried to listen to my heart, and it was telling me to read. Some of the
passages of the Qu’ran felt as if they were written just for me. I found
myself sitting there and crying many times. All at once, I felt at peace, yet
confused. There was something holding me back from accepting it
full-heartedly.
After months of
reading, talking with people, and a lot of soul searching, there was one event
that I consider to be the determining factor in my becoming Muslim. I was
standing in my son’s room trying to pray. I had a book on Islam opened to
the “how to pray” section. I was standing there in conflict with myself. I
was not used to praying directly to God. All of my life I was taught to pray
to Jesus, who would then tell God my prayer (or something like that). I was so
scared that I was doing something wrong. I didn’t want Jesus mad at me. At
that moment, it hit me like a tidal wave. Did I really think that God would be
upset at me for wanting to get closer to Him? Did I really believe that Jesus
would be upset with me for trying to get closer to God? Isn’t that what he
wants me to do? God knows my intent. To this day, I believe it was God talking
to me-that is how powerful the feeling and voice inside my head was. What did
I have to fear?? How could I NOT convert to Islam? At that moment, I started
crying and crying. It was what I needed to hear. I knew at that time that I
had to convert to Islam. It felt right and nothing else mattered.
After taking my
shahada in front of the entire school, I was a new person. I did not have that
“where-do-I-belong-and-what-do-I-believe-in” feeling anymore. It was gone.
I knew that I made the right decision.
I have never
been so close to God as I have been since becoming Muslim. Alhamdullilah. I am
so lucky. Thank you for allowing me to share my experience with you