Testimony of Sabyrah Altagh (from reVert)

As I look back at the 24 short years of my life thus far, more specifically the 23 years before I embraced Islam, I see many events that helped me be able to see Islam as the final truth from God and accept it whole-heartedly. I can’t really say that I came from a religious family as I never attended church with my parents until I was 13 years old although I had attended different churches through the years with friends. First there was Katrina Troutman, then Lorna Edwardson, and Anita Gainor. From these early church-going experiences, I gained a respect and reverence for God but was left with a sense of incompletion. I couldn’t understand the set of ideas surrounding Jesus in the Christian faith, nor could I accept the mysticism, trinity concept or sainthood system of the Catholics. I went to church rather because it was what everyone else did (if they went to any religious institution I mean) and did not see any other alternative available.

At 13, my mother took my brother and I to the Lutheran church and had us both Baptized. I didn’t like that experience one bit mostly because I saw this as a passing phase rather than a life long commitment on the part of my mother. I was not readily willing to "say" vows that I did not think would be upheld.....but because she is my mother, I went.

I tried to be a "good Christian" by going to church, being generous, thoughtful, kind, and caring. I even taught Sunday school to teenagers at the Methodist church I had decided to attend in college. Allhamdulilah that I had teenagers because I felt they were old enough to be able to form their own arguments with gentle guidance rather than needing to be spoonfeed a set of beliefs. So instead of lecturing, we had class discussion where I would throw out a topic and the class members would use a Bible to support what they believed. This helped them grow and feel acknowledged while it kept me from having to confront the fact that I didn’t totally except Christianity....Praise be to God, the best of planners!

Before this there were other experiences that I struggled through. Growing up as a younger child, I was always very heavy-set. So I was often teased and made fun of. So since I wasn’t getting attention for being pretty, I decided I needed to develop other means to get attention and turned to academics. For many years, I was the "teacher’s pet" type. I learned to feel very good about learning as my parents and teachers reinforced this...As a result of these experiences combined, I managed to learn that it was more important to be a good person rather than look good on the outside. My parents also helped me to build my self-esteem and stand up for what I believe in even if it goes against the grain of society in general.

High school and college were wonderful times in general for me. I slimmed down enough to be asked to rep for a photo studio and took some pictures marvelous by American standards. I graduated in the top 10 in my class from high school, got an Army ROTC scholarship to college, studied 4 years of nursing (3 ½ of which were compliments of the military), graduated with university and departmental honors from college, got married, went to Germany and thought I was ready to start my life. That is until my husband and I could not get along about anything no matter what I tried. I ended up in counseling before being sent back state-side and asked for a divorce. One of the issues in the breakup was religion. Though I thought I was a pretty decent Christian since I went to church, was kind, giving, ect....I didn’t see the problem. When I learned about Islam, the problem became obvious. I was a horrible Christian for not believing that Jesus was the son of God. How could I believe this?

Through shear determination not to let the failure of a 2 year marriage be in the end of my life, I came home put my resume on the Internet and within a week was moving from my home in Ohio to Maryland. I had been hired by a travel nursing company to work at a Jewish nursing home. So in a new place with a new job and new friends to be made, I started over. Through the Internet, I found a tennis partner who happened to be a non-practing Pakistani man. He talked about Islam a lot and debated it with me and my Christian background. Loving a good debate and trying to be open minded, I listened intently until one day I realized there was much more behind Islam. I decided to explore further via the Internet, and liked what I saw. I was comfortable learning from a distance at my own pace. And when I needed people, I just found some Muslim pen pals who were so excited that this American girl wanted to learn more. My favorite friend was a Canadian gal who had recently reverted...she and I became good friends and I looked up to her despite the fact I was older. I admired her courage and determination.

But the Internet wasn’t enough. I am a people person and wanted to know real people. So I got in touch with a local Mosque / school in College Park and connected with Sr Sharifa. We met a week later and talked over a nice dinner. I had met her before Asr on a Monday, and by the end of our talk, I had told her I was scared about this new set of beliefs. I didn’t think people would be very accepting or even want to understand my new found point of view. She said that those things didn’t matter and that I was already acting and thinking a lot like a Muslim (buying cold medicine and mouth wash that is Alcohol free, ect), and that all I had to do when I was ready was say Shahadah....hearing her say this gave me the boost of confidence that I needed. I said Shahadah that night at Maghrib.

My one hanging point was the head-covering. I wore it in the Mosque and felt comfortable with that but had told Sr Sharifa that I wasn’t going to do it in general, especially because I worked at a Jewish place with a Rabbi there most of the time and with Hindu supervisors. She agreed that this was not an important point for the time being. We made plans for me to return to Al-Hudda the following Monday so that I could share my story with some of the girls classes.

In the interim, I decided to take the metro from my apartment downtown covered. To my surprise, I didn’t feel like I stood out from the crowd all that much. In fact, it gave me the encouragement that I needed to think more strongly about covering in general.

The following week at Al-Hudda, Sr Sharifa invited me to talk to 3 different girls classes about my reversion. I was glad to speak to the high school girls first as they seemed very interested and had many interesting questions. Among the first question in all my presentations was whether I covered or not. I told them the truth that I did for prayers and at the school / Mosque and had once when I was out but not all the time. The other popular question was had I told my parents yet, and that was a resounding no. It has been a hard lesson for me to learn that I do not need to fear my parents (or anyone else for that matter) but rather should do things for fear of God. All my life I have tried hard to please my parents and had done a good job up to that point. I told the girls I would be sure to update them when I did tell my parents. My favorite part of my day that day was when one class sang me a song I have since come to love, and that is the Youseph Islam "A is for Allah," and MashaAllah these young girls did the whole song from memory while I was there!

Well, that evening on my way home, I thought about what I had said to the girls and thought carefully about the whole hijab thing. I began to wonder if I was strong enough to be Muslim and do all those things I should do...Then I got to thinking about how strongly I feel about adults setting an appropriate and responsible example for the youth in any community. I then thought how important it was for them to know that I support Islam fully as should they and I wanted to be covered. Of course those whispers of Shyatan are hard to ignore, and I thought about when and how I would begin.

When I got back to my apartment after my 45 minute drive, I noticed a message from the Jewish Nursing home. My Nurse manager had called and asked me to come to work as someone had called in sick....it was already about 5pm and the shift started at 330pm and I was still dressed in a green Shawal Khamise that my dad (talk about coincidental ironies) had bought me on a business trip to India 2 years before. I thought about it, called work and told them I would be in as soon as possible but that I didn’t have time to change from the Mosque. So, I put on a long white lab coat and ran out the door, covered and all.

I don’t think I moved faster in my life than that night as I didn’t want anyone to stop and ask me what I was doing and why I was dressed that way...it was enough that night to be in front of people I knew covered. I managed to make it through that night, again with a sense of reassurance that this was the right thing...So a week after I said Shahadah, I began covering and have never taken it off since. In fact, I now love to have people stop to ask me questions and enjoy being able to answer them honestly and openly. I am glad too that people are very accepting and in fact treat me with a higher degree of respect and courtesy for the most part. In return, they also seem to have higher expectations of me in a moral sense. InshaAllah I live up to these, but more so Allah’s (SWT) expectations for the rest of my life...Ameen.

 

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